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Eric: A brief conversation, 30 hours in.

Eric: "There's nothing wrong with this network that I couldn't solve with twenty ounces of scotch and a gun."

Eric's Boss: "True. But cleaning up would be a problem."

Eric: "Hey, I'll be in jail, sleeping. By definition, it won't be my problem."

Posted by Eric Burns-White at August 5, 2005 5:42 PM


Comment from: Wednesday posted at August 5, 2005 6:41 PM


Comment from: Charles Duffy posted at August 5, 2005 7:24 PM

How's a gun going to help?

Trust me, they can always find more users.

Comment from: John Bankert posted at August 5, 2005 7:32 PM


I think the intent is to shoot the equipment, not the users.


Thanks for the laugh, it was needed. Cheers!

Comment from: Matt Sweeney posted at August 5, 2005 7:58 PM

Finally, someone else who realizes that all difficult IT problems can be solved with whiskey, though I prefer Irish.

Comment from: Moe Lane posted at August 5, 2005 8:29 PM

Light that candle.

Comment from: John Duncan posted at August 5, 2005 9:17 PM

Mmmmmm. Alcohol and guns. It's a American tradition. Work in an automobile and you are golden :)

Comment from: JDanRyan posted at August 6, 2005 12:08 AM

Hopefully, the "cleaning up" part refers to a job you use a broom and dustpan on, and not a mop with industrial solvents useful for blood stains...

Comment from: DocN posted at August 6, 2005 1:40 AM

You don't need "industrial solvents", blood cleans up just fine with a stiff-bristle scrub brush and some hot soapy water. Though you do have to be careful to use a little bleach to...

... I've said too much.


Comment from: miyaa posted at August 6, 2005 6:20 AM

You know, it has occurred to me that if we ever held a Snark-con, it wouldn't be a Snark-con per se, but rather more like an international UK pub festival.

Comment from: Wednesday posted at August 6, 2005 9:52 AM

But it should be more like a trip to Tim Hortons.

I mean... pubs? Not that great.

Comment from: Doc posted at August 6, 2005 10:46 AM

There should be more pubs like coffee shops. All the pubs around me seem to have signed some sort of satanic pact which means they aren't allowed to serve liquour without music or giant TV's with sport on them.

I guess there are still beer gardens but its freaking cold over here at the moment.

Comment from: SeanH posted at August 6, 2005 10:54 AM

Pubs: nice idea, poor execution.

Pubs can be really great. Quiet, cosy places with good food and drink. I've been to two, maybe three pubs of this quality in my life, out of many dozens. The rest of the time, I either try the Sisyphean task of finding a pub without extremely loud music (stopping you talking, which I've always understood to be the main point of a pub), sports, pathetic beverage selection, general filth, or some combination of the above (all of the above in around 25% of cases), or I just drink at home. Pubs: contributing to my eventual alcoholism.

Comment from: marlowe posted at August 6, 2005 11:41 AM

I'm a fan of the good pub, but those I've found tend to have expensive drinks. Sometimes, if they're in a dense district, that evens out, though - there's a decent pub-like thing called The Tree in Sanlitun, Beijing, that serves the most amazing stout I've ever tasted, and some of the only remotely decent pizza you can find in this part of the world. 'Course, the drinks there are pretty expensive, so when you're thirsty you turn the corner to Kai, where you can get all the $1.25 gin and tonics your greedy little heart desires.... *sigh*

Leaving tomorrow, and already feeling wistful :). Paying for alcohol in the states is gonna suck. I hadn't thought about it, also, but you almost never see sports on here unless there's a China soccer game going on...

Comment from: Doug posted at August 6, 2005 1:14 PM

"There is no problem that cannot be solved through the suitable application of high explosivs." - anon.

"When confronted with a seemingly insolvable problem involving the network: Sit back. Relax. Think the problem through. Read the documentation. Then get up and go kick the everlovin' bejeezus out of the router." - Doug

However, since this involves firewalling, do what any BOFH would do: pull the plug on the WAN and institute a "must demonstrate need" rule on connections to the internet. I'm sure you can work up a reason to deny most anyone. Just accuse them of wanting to do illegal filesharing or download porn (The internet is nothing but porn after all- proven by many government funded watchdog committees). If they complain about not having access to outside email, explain that your site is both taking part of an anti-spam initiative and that, due to the service being the primary vector of spreading for computer viruses, it constitutes too great a security threat to the local network.

If that fails, tell them that if they're going to complain about every miniscule problem or harp upon every little detail, they can go get their own hookup with AOL if they feel that strongly about it.

Problem solved.

Gads, I've turned into such a geek.

Comment from: miyaa posted at August 6, 2005 6:46 PM

I think there's a pub size corrollary: the chances that a bar or pub will have good food and drink is inversely proportional to the size of the bar itself.

Comment from: Kate Sith posted at August 6, 2005 6:56 PM

(The internet is nothing but porn after all- proven by many government funded watchdog committees)

Sorry. Cannot resist. Been in my head for days:

"Why you think the 'net was born?

Porn, porn, porn!"

Comment from: sinless posted at August 7, 2005 8:25 AM

I think pistol-whipping the equipment would be more satisfying.

I also think it comes as some sort of caveat on the liquor licences around here, if one is held then there must be 24 e.s.p.n. on at least one set at all times. I blame this for why every bar here has more t.v.s than waitstaff.

Comment from: Bequita posted at August 8, 2005 9:27 AM

You know, those little TV-B-Gone clickers can come in quite handy in these so-called pubs. But if any of the patrons catch you, you'd better have a speedy getaway planned.

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