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Wednesday: [weds] Look! A Bird! (or, Star !Gentle...)
One of the household catch-sketches (it's hardly a catchphrase when partner starts repeating most of the good lines, I think) is this piece by Ben Elton, which I've never actually heard. It's just been told to me a lot.
It's the one where this guy with a big old posh "we'd not have had any of this nonsense in the Punjab" accent starts in: "Well, it was a lovely day out and I'd just strolled up to bat when, what do you know, my period started." It's normally the first retort when I come running out with the usual celebratory cries of despair. You know. The ones where it's like, oh, thank ghod, I'm not pregnant; fuck me, I'm glad coedine is legal OTC in this country, because I'm about to become such an opiate fiend. One likes to share one's joy! And one often likes to complain! But! It's this sort of code by now: "Blood!" "Well, it was a lovely day out --"
I'm a bigger fan of Questionable Content than a Comixpedia review from a while back might have suggested (it's really hard to evaluate something as a whole when the exciting stuff is all bunched up at the corner, and I think I failed there). Stuff like today's period comic (detail at right) is why.
Nailed. So nailed. Nailed up there with MC Menses (note to self: get over fear of wearing cute t-shirts, obtain cute t-shirt, re-henna hair, wear around boys). I never presume to speak for any other woman, but it's the smile that does it for me in both cases: not only is it awesome when a guy doesn't gross out around the concept, it's secretly also kinda fun when he does.
(Dammit. I may have said too much.)
I feel bad for wondering why, so far, all my favourite comics about spittin' out uterine goo have been written by guys. (Mutual flow is often go. Someone else can bring up the coffee if they'd really like to.) I mean, I shouldn't -- if you can mock it right, you've so won, and, besides, the slightly removed position is probably helpful for the purpose.
Still, I tend to think we, the ova-disgorging, should be a bit better at poking fun at the process (it's our endometrium!), and I know we've written tons of pretty awesome stuff about it in one place or another. Annoyingly, though, any time I try to think of the classics, all my brain can come up with is that one bit in Hothead Paisan (and, don't get me wrong, I'm all about Hothead) where Loon-Chi and Coco are all, like, "let now the females of the earth receive to the deepest extent of psychic receptivity, to embrace the shadowside, and to bleed all over the place!" Which had its place, heavyhanded as that one chapter was, but it wasn't funny; it was all, like, a statement about reclamation and stuff. Also, there was this one Roberta Gregory thing which was cool, but the underlying message made me sad. This is annoying me. Please help.
Also, I always thought that Sailor Star Healer's [EDIT: Maker. MAKER. The hell? I know I *saw* Maker] attack should have caught on better.
Anyhow. If you'll excuse me, I have a beef rib in the oven and it might not be rare anymore if I wait too much longer to suck the blood from it. Eric'll be back tomorrow. Aren't you glad?
Posted by Wednesday White at March 8, 2005 8:46 PM
Comments
Comment from: Dave Van Domelen posted at March 8, 2005 11:04 PM
Heh. No problem with "reasonable" blood issuance here. I mean, if it's spurting I'm going to be quite concerned, and if there's pools of it standing around there's going to be a godawful smell eventually...but a little bleeding here and there, no biggy.
Anyway, you really should also have included the "I could menstruate a better cup of coffee" S*P strip. :)
Comment from: chaos cricket posted at March 9, 2005 12:49 AM
She did say "someone else could bring up the cup of coffee."
I still think--and I feel terrible for laughing at this every time--that my favorite joke along these lines is in the South Park Movie, when Mr. Garrison says, "I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Comment from: Eric Burns posted at March 9, 2005 1:39 AM
For those who had "Dvandom" in the "Someone else can bring up the coffee if they'd really like to" pool, congratulations. ;)
I, on the other hand, have a good attitude about such things. And therefore, I hereby violate copyright to give you Dave Foley's views... on having a good attitude... about menstruation.
Hi, my name's Dave Foley, and, uh, something you might not know about me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!
Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way the way some men embrace the weekend! Why I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas!
Did you know that, uh, in a lot of native Indian cultures, menstruating woman were forced to leave the village, lest their powerful magic should overwhelm the Shaman? If I were Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation!
'Cause after all, what is it? a cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the nesting stuff of humanity!
That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a raging rust colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch. I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if coureur de bois would come up stream, battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense, rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION!
Comment from: Jennifer posted at March 9, 2005 6:55 AM
Randy has a gift at expressing the best and worst in women. The "Mutual flow is go" strip, and the coffee one, are two of my favorites.
Comment from: PatMan posted at March 9, 2005 10:48 AM
And in the trivia department, Sailor Star Maker's (Not Healer) attack was changed from "Star Gentle Uterus" to "Star Gentle Creator" in the American comics.
Comment from: Wednesday posted at March 9, 2005 11:17 AM
a) The fuck? I hate my head. I know I thought Maker. Why did I write Healer? I know the difference. That's it. I'm just so calling everyone by their civvie names now. Taiki. TAIKI TAIKI TAIKI. Thanks. Edited. Embarrassed. This is my Daniel in the den of lions; this is my Jonah in the belly of the whale.
b) Creator? Oh, jeez. Would it have killed them to use the French manga version, "Star Gentle Utrace"?
Comment from: Wednesday posted at March 9, 2005 11:23 AM
Oh, great. Now I have "Where You Are" by Rich Mullins stuck in my head. And if there's one thing no one needs stuck in their head, it's the part of the Mullins oeuvre which was designed largely for happy, youth-oriented worship meetings.
Furthermore, one does not need a collision between Rich Mullins and menstruation. Even though I bet he was totally Dave Foley about it.
Mmmmm. Dave Foley.
Comment from: John posted at March 9, 2005 12:40 PM
This world needs more people with the power of Star Gentle Uterus.
No, I don't know what I mean by that either.
Comment from: J.(Channing)Wells posted at March 9, 2005 12:43 PM
I dunno, folks. Whenever y'all start talking about "Power of Star Gentle Uterus" I start thinking laundry detergent.
This is the weirdest snark ever.
Comment from: Dave Van Domelen posted at March 9, 2005 3:21 PM
JCWells is NOT doing my laundry.
Comment from: J.(Channing)Wells posted at March 9, 2005 3:35 PM
Damn straight I'm not.
Comment from: Shadowydreamer posted at March 9, 2005 3:43 PM
Men make better jokes about menstration than women because after 6+ years of menstating every month women have generally MADE all the jokes and don't think to share them with the world at large.
The real man is the one who'll go to the store and buy pads. One of my boyfriends used to say he didn't mind, he just bought condoms at the same time so he could scream to the world "I have a girlfriend!" with no chance of "My mommy makes me shop for her."
*Ahem* .. yeah I'm done now. ^_^;
Comment from: Wednesday posted at March 9, 2005 4:12 PM
In my case, the real man is the one who doesn't mind finding the cup in the dishwasher or the sterilizing bowl.
(Actually, I use a Mooncup, but same diff -- silicone over latex. For reference purposes, the dishwasher is also an acceptable method for cleaning penetration toys made of the same ... material... WHERE ARE YOU GOING?)
Comment from: jrleek posted at March 9, 2005 4:58 PM
Hey, I'm male, and I really don't understand why any man would be afraid of buying pad/tampons. Really, what's the fear? I remember a Murphy Brown episode (just about the only episode I've ever seen) when some guy had to buy pads for Murphy, and most of the episode was him freaking out in the store. I just kinda stared at it wondering, "Does anyone ever act like this? EVER? Is this funny to someone?" Please explain.
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