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-->December 18, 2004
Eric Burns-White: Another snark about Identity Crisis. Because clearly, I am a nerd.
This is going to get into spoiler territory. If I were a better person than I am, I'd rig up some kind of "click here if you want to know how it all comes out" thing for this, but I'm not going to because... well, because. So, if you don't want to know the shock ending and various plot points on Identity Crisis, I'd just stop reading.
Still here? Cool.
It was a lie. It was all a lie. Every bit of it was a lie. The premise of this series, the execution of this series... and most importantly, the stated goal of this series, was based on falsity.
I don't mean the actual in-comics plot points. Those were just there. Gratuitous at times, and deceptive at times, but still. Those are the breaks.
No, it's the metacommentary... the reasons this story was done in the first place. Even the name of this story.
Identity Crisis.
The point was supposed to be "it's wrong and bad for super heroes to reveal their secret identities. If they do, it's their loved ones who suffer." Thus, the murder of Sue Dibny and the willful destruction of one of the rarest of rarities in comic books: an actual, happy marriage between a superhero and a nonsuperhero, with the "normal" half of the marriage an equal partner in the crime fighting adventures. They solved mysteries and bantered and legitimately loved each other and were happy. And Ralph didn't take super heroing that seriously and neither did Sue -- she was an heiress, and they just liked being with each other.
But Ralph didn't have a secret identity, so Sue had to die, because that's what happens, isn't it? That's why secret identities are necessary.
Only... Sue wasn't killed out of revenge. Sue wasn't killed to hurt Ralph or super heroes. Sue wasn't killed by a Super Villain.
Sue was killed by Jean Loring, who apparently went psychotic after the poor performance of Power of the Atom. She was trying to throw a scare into the super heroes, in a bid to win Ray Palmer -- the Atom -- back. It wasn't the criminal fraternity looking for revenge. It was just Jean acting out a bad movie of the week plot.
The whole rape scene? Utterly unrelated to the plot. The Justice League mindwiping Doctor Light and conditioning him to be a buffoon (wow... just like the Squadron Supreme miniseries, only stupider!), and then going on to mindwipe Batman, tarnishing the League and raising the specter of their inappropriateness to use the power they have been given? Irrelevant to the murder mystery. The fact that Ralph and Sue Dibny were publicly known? Irrelevant to Sue's murder. Unless you believe that Ralph should have hidden his identity from the Atom, lest the Atom's wife decide to go walking in Sue's brain.
I didn't put these pieces together, mind. I was trolling the web and came across this post on the "Comics Should Be Good" blog. It was expressing some good old fashioned outrage at the rape of the wife of the fucking Elongated Man as a red herring. I read through the comments afterward, and it gelled for me. It really did.
This is absurd. This is obscene. And the much ballyhooed "darkening of the DC Universe" that will follow this (because Christ knows we need to make mainstream comics less fun these days) is being predicated on an essential lie.
Secrets versus public identities? Had nothing to do with the plot of this story.
You want to fuck around with the cultural mythology of the last sixty years? Go right ahead. But don't lie about it in the metacommentary.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 10:09 PM | Comments (8)
-->Eric Burns-White: Potential Websnark Technical Issues
So, it's pretty clear that I'm going to break the bandwidth limit for my current account, and so it's time to do the move up to the next level. However, this upgrade means moving to a machine. So, sometime in the next two business days, there's going to be some downtime while the shift takes place. The good people at Pair are handling it, and it should have at most momentary outages as far as being able to see Websnark. However, this might break some of the key functions (like commenting, not that commenting doesn't seem broken to begin with), and might need some repairs on links and the like.
With a little luck it'll be smooth sailing, but if not... well, I warned you, didn't I?
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 6:01 PM | Comments (0)
-->December 17, 2004
Eric Burns-White: On jumping the shark: a fast irrelevant comment
For whatever reason, discussions of the term "Jumping the Shark" are floating around the blogosphere today. Different things are accused of jumping the shark, other essays and comments accuse "jumping the shark" of jumping the shark... it's a chumfest, boyos.
Chum.
It's cut up fish. They use it to bait for sharks.
Look, I'm under medication.
Anyway, I like the term because it does its job. It conveys a concept, quickly and easily. "This is the point where something cool went past its peak and into its decline. This is the point where everyone knows its over." All things jump the shark, eventually.
But I'm thinking back to the Happy Days cliffhanger where the term originated, when the Fonz, to prove how cool he was, learned to water ski and then jumped a shark.
Well... I also remember that it was done cliffhanger style... the Fonz hit the ramp, went into the air, hit his apogee high above the shark holding area... and then the screen froze, with "TO BE CONTINUED" superimposed over it.
I was, like ten years old when that happened. And the thing I clearly remember thinking was "well, duh. He's at the high point of his jump. I saw the first half of it. He's clearly going to make it assuming that a team of Supervillains didn't extend a transparent sheet of glass for him to slam into the way they did in front of the highway Superman and the Flash were racing on, so they could take the place of Our Heroes and fix the ending. Damn villains."
So at ten years old, it wasn't that the concept was lame. As Bobby in Superosity once said, "dude! He jumped a shark. He can do anything he wants!" It was that I had to wait the entire summer to see the back half of a jump that any cretin could see was going to make it, and we had to pretend like there was suspense involved.
Morons.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 2:05 PM | Comments (14)
-->Eric Burns-White: One note
I'm on cold medication today (I can endure symptoms until they involve bad sinus headaches. I'm a total wuss when it comes to bad sinus headaches), so even though I'm at work and snarking alike, I'm also definitely spacey. So if my word choices or punctuation or spelling or thesis seems... odd, in a snark today... please bear in mind that I'm not entirely sure I'm sapient today.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 11:22 AM | Comments (1)
-->Eric Burns-White: A very brief snark about Foxtrot.
(From Foxtrot. Click on the thumbnail for full sized "you know, he has a point.")
This is hysterical, because it is true. And somehow my eyes glazed over it in my daily trawl, but a friend name of Dave Weinstein passed this through a different friend, and it made me look at it again.
Once again. This is hysterical, because it is true.
Thank you, and try the chicken.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 11:18 AM | Comments (1)
-->Eric Burns-White: Seriously, dude. That cat'll cut you.
(From Diesel Sweeties. Click on the thumbnail for full sized cheerful threats of violent retribution!)
One thing I've always liked about Diesel Sweeties is R. Stevens's willingness to mess shit up. He doesn't rest on the premise, even though he also doesn't hugely stray from it. Indy Rock Pete was a hapless virgin for a long while... and then he hooked up with Pale Suzie for a while, and that was different. The humor stayed the same (this strip is the antithesis of the Cerebus Syndrome attempt), but the situations got shuffled. It stayed fresh.
Well, he's messing with the core relationship of the strip now -- Maura, the alcoholic ex porn star and Clango the extremely pleasant robot are in trouble, romantically. Maura got drunk and had sex with Electron Mike (man, who knew there was that much alcohol in the world), and Clango's headed out on his own. He dated Pale Suzie, which led an outraged Maura (outraged under the theory that she "waited until she was drunk to cheat on Clango!" to come deck the cheery goth. Through it all, Red Robot's been egging Clango on cheerfully... it's just fun.
I'm good with whatever happens next. I suspect that Maura and Clango will hook back up (they always seem to, even though Maura's... well, a pretty crap girlfriend. Once Clango's head got separated from his body, and when his batteries ran down and he seemed to die, her response was "huh -- guess I need a new boyfriend"), but if they don't I'm good with that too. There'll still be good stuff following. It's all interesting, it's all fun, it's all funny. Life's good, man.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)
-->Eric Burns-White: On Superman, Batman, and Stunt Casting Writers
So, in the brief snark about my lack of snarking, yesterday, I expressed a brief, negative opinion about Identity Crisis. I felt the plot was TV Movie, not Super Hero. I felt it committed cheap thrills instead of real character evolution. And I felt that the story was the last nail in the coffin for the idea of Super Heroes -- of the Justice League -- as something meant for teenagers. This was a story meant for adults, and this was also a story meant to guide the forward evolution of the DC Universe, or whatever we're calling it this week.
And, I referred to the hiring of Brad Meltzer -- author of The Millionaires, Zero Sum, The Tenth Justice and other novels, as well as the creator of Jack and Bobby on television -- to write the series as stunt casting. Take a successful writer in another field -- one with some bearing and relation (The Tenth Justice is a Young Adult book, for example, and Jack and Bobby had science fiction elements to it), hire them to write for the comics and hope that the publicity pulls in new readers.
Well, this wasn't Meltzer's first comic book series (he did a run on Green Arrow that's now been collected into The Archer's Quest), but certainly DC has leveraged his non-comics credentials hard in promoting Identity Crisis. Which irks me at best -- it's like they're trying to convince readers that no, really, it's okay to read this comic. It's not being written by one of those hacks like Peter David or Roger Stern. It's being written by a real writer. One you like!
I despise that. I despised that when Kevin Smith was put on both Daredevil and Green Arrow. I despised that when J. Michael Straczynskiðtook over on Spider-Man, too. And to be blunt, that annoyance is unfair to the writers.
It honestly is. It's unfair to Smith, who wrote a Green Arrow series with tremendous affection and understanding of who Green Arrow was in the 70's, who he became in the 90's, and who he would have to be in the 21st Century. (I don't know enough about Smith's run on Daredevil to speak to it intelligently.) It's unfair to Straczynski, who's been a journeyman on Spider-Man for years now, who wrote the beautiful Midnight Nation before that (Rising Stars never interested me. I can't tell you why), who writes one of the few comics I've actually bought in the last several years (Supreme Power) -- and who's been let into the lodge officially as of this latest Spider-Man arc, because no one's trashing him mercilessly because he's a Hollywood Writer writing Spider-Man. They're trashing him mercilessly because they can't stand what he's done to the legend of Gwen Stacey and they expected better of him than that.
(I use "they" instead of "we" because I've never been enough of a Spider-Man fan to care about Gwen Stacy. So it just sounds like an interesting story to me, not an affront to Man or God. My point, however, is that it's not Straczynski's background that's fueling the anger -- it's the actual story. Which means he's officially accepted as "Comics Folk" by the community.)
Well, I honestly do believe that Meltzer was put on this incredibly controversial story to drum up even more interest, get some mainstream attention and some publicity... to "hotshot the angle," to use a wrestling reference. I think that's evident from the way DC has handled this.
But this morning, I got an e-mail from someone who knows Meltzer, somewhat. Someone who is good friends with one of Meltzer's best friends, in fact, and who has gotten some inside story. That person didn't disagree with me on my impression of the story (he couldn't in fact speak to the merits of the story, because he hadn't read it), but there was one thing he was absolutely certain of: Brad Meltzer didn't consider this stunt casting. Brad Meltzer loves comics. Brad Meltzer has always loved comics. And Brad Meltzer knows comics, and was excited and enthusiastic to write this -- not as a job, but as a fan.
And thinking back over the story I read... I have to concede that he's right. It shows. There's too many touches... too many details that reveals that Meltzer is deep into this stuff. He knows who Jean Loring is. (Well, he knows her name and role, anyhow.) He knows from Zatanna, and Doctor Light, and Captain Boomerang and the Flash Rogues Gallery.
Going back to The Archer's Quest tells us even more. This was... a travelogue, in effect, of the DC Silver Age. This wasn't a story written by a duffer given the keys to the kingdom because he wrote a few thrillers. This is a comic fan.
The elemental difference between what Kevin Smith has done in comics and what Brad Meltzer has done is Kevin Smith's Green Arrow run was pretty much liked by everyone, so he got a bye. The difference between J. Michael Straczynski and Brad Meltzer is Straczynski put in enough years before the incredibly controversial story that people are now hating Straczynski the way they hate John Byrne. Which in its own, sad way is a compliment.
Well, Brad Meltzer's Identity Crisis was certainly a commercial success, but not a critical one. I'm not the only commentator who was caught between sadness and offense by it, and I'm not the only one who feels it represents bad things for DC ahead. So the real elemental difference between Meltzer, Smith and Straczynski is Meltzer's huge project is seen as an artistic failure instead of a success. It's seen as a mishandling of the characters, a tarnishing of them, not an exalting of them. Certainly, it's how I see it.
And so Meltzer is seen as a novelist and screenwriter who got stuntcast into writing comics and didn't get it. He's seen the way the literary novelists who decide they want to write a science fiction novel, because they think no one's ever really written literary science fiction (because they don't know anything about science fiction other than Buck Rogers and Star Wars), are seen by the SF community -- as a poseur and a hack who doesn't have enough experience with what's been done a thousand times before to not end up looking like an idiot.
And it's unfair to Meltzer. Because clearly, he's got the background, and the love. He's done the research and taken the time to learn. That e-mail I got today made me think long and hard about what I wrote yesterday.
Identity Crisis is a sad moment in comic books. And DC hired Meltzer to do it because they wanted the publicity. Those are both true things, as I see them.
But Brad Meltzer himself is trying. He understands the responsibility. He knows the history. It's not stunt casting to him.
And I shouldn't imply that it is.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 9:38 AM | Comments (18)
-->December 16, 2004
Eric Burns-White: A pause, because my brain is full and mushy
Hey all. Not much on the snark front today. I'm tired and worn down, in part because it's been a busy week at work (though the students are leaving! Soon, all will be joy!) and in part because I had an excellent, but late night last night.
I and a couple of friends (and fellow Superguy authors, for those playing along at home who read Randy Milholland's news post on Superguy -- though no, he wasn't at dinner with us) did our "friend's Christmas night out" last night, as they're both driving for home tomorrow, and they wanted a day of recovery between the events.
So, we hit the comic book/game store. Which looks different to me now (I look a lot more at the alternatives than I used to, I have to admit). And, while they both negotiated their purchases (which took a while -- I wasn't buying today but they were) I read Identity Crisis. All seven issues. I'm a fast reader.
It... well, it made me sad. I mean, it was something of a complete waste. They hired a writer of thrillers -- stunt casting, except in the writing world -- and it really showed. The "shocking twist ending" was straight out of the last ten minutes of a melodramatic TV movie, right down to the "smiling, calm, insane discussion." Hack work at best, in my not so humble opinion, and utterly out of place in the world of DC Comics. There were also implications throughout that... well, that are meant to tarnish. Specifically meant to tarnish the Justice League, in fact.
And I put it down, and glanced at the comic. Obviously, there was no Comics Code Authority emblem on it. (Is there even a Comics Code Authority any more?) And that's okay....
...but I realized that it was official. The Justice League just isn't for kids at all any more. Superman and Batman and Wonder Woman aren't being written for 12 year olds any more.
Oh, I know. This is a comic book store. This isn't the newsstand. This wasn't meant for the kiddies (though I don't think I saw a Mature Readers label -- though there may have been). But they're simply not even trying any longer -- this is an event meant to span all their titles (certainly every issue of Batman is going to have to deal with this, as is the Flash, the JLA...) and it was clearly intended for people in their twenties and thirties, not their tens, tweens or teens.
And that's sad. I mean, no one needs to sell me on the idea for comic books for grownups. I'm sold. Whether Fantasy or SF or contemporary or real life, alternative or mainstream... I'm good with this concept.
But that doesn't mean giving up comic books for kids in the process. Especially the core Super Heroes -- especially Superman and Batman, Wonder Woman and the Flash... the heroes who create a sense of wonder, who encourage a sense of justice and honor, and who thrill kids with every minute.
It's just sad. But that was just part of the evening. From there, we did some light shopping, then hit dinner at Uno's, where we traded friendly gifts. (My gifts were largely DVD based, and involved the suggestion that perhaps the Murdering of William was in order. Plus a season of South Park). And then we went to see National Treasure at ten to ten.
It was fun. We did some MSTing of the movie (no one was within four rows of us, so we didn't disturb anyone), but there was also a basic element of the clever throughout. I like Clever. And the ending was not what I expected from a Brukheimer movie, and that's a good thing.
And then home, well after 1 in the morning.
So today, I'm tired. I'm stoked, because my cable modem was installed today (yes, my school's T1 is so oversubscribed it's worth it to me to get outside internet access again), but I'm also blunted. And I don't think the snarking is going to come to me today. Well, beyond this bit here.
Peace, all.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 4:06 PM | Comments (5)
-->December 15, 2004
Eric Burns-White: Cause, then effect.
(From Nukees!. Click on the thumbnail for full sized new media perceptions!)
There is a core reality involved in this absurd joke. In a weird way, it reminds me of Reverse Polish Notation. For those of you who didn't go to college in the 80's (do Engineering calculators still use RPN today?), HP's high end calculators used a different, more efficient method of inputting numbers and getting out results, called Reverse Polish Notation. (No, it wasn't a Polish joke.) In Reverse Polish Notation, you actually input your information the way the calculator processed it, instead of making the calculator convert to it. So, if you wanted to solve for (2+3) x 6, instead of pressing "(" "2" "+" "3" ")" "x" "6" "=" and reading the answer, you'd press "2" "3" "6" "+" "x" with an enter key in between the numbers.
Why do this? I have no Earthly idea. But it makes sense to Engineers, and Engineers make the cars I drive and the electricity I consume in the computers and Tivos they made for me, and launched the satellite that gives my TV. So if Engineers like it, I'm all for it, baby!
My point is, we've adapted our interface to better suit the web and use it more efficiently. There's something terribly counterintuitive about blogs -- we're used to reading the old entries at the top and working our way to the new entries, in traditional media. To have the new entries on the top and scroll down to move back in time seems desperately wrong, when you're first getting used to it. But it makes vastly more sense for the web -- when I update Websnark, why shouldn't the newest entries go to the top of the page -- the bit that appears right in the window when someone shows up to read it. This way, people don't have to scroll to the bottom to see if I've updated or to read something new. It's always presented right where we want it -- at the top.
Well, sooner or later, going back and reading traditionally laid out information's going to seem a little screwy. Almost as screwy as using a standard calculator after you get used to RPN. And so this strip makes me a happy person.
Tasty, 2, Biscuit, Darren Bleuel, x + +
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 4:26 PM | Comments (12)
-->Eric Burns-White: Wiley blinks.
(From Non Sequitur. Click on the thumbnail for full sized hubris!)
Okay, one note before we go any further. Take away any knowledge or perspective of relative situations, change the name of "Scotty" to, say, "Toby," and look at this just as a comic strip.
All set? Cool. Taken in a vacuum, this is actually pretty funny. I think we should mention that -- no matter what agenda or behind the scenes shit is being flung against the walls, this strip will play in Topeka. It Brings the Funny. So Wiley Miller's done his primary job. I think it's important to acknowledge that before we discuss the subtext here.
Okay. The subtext. "Scotty." Scott Kurtz. Get that? Hah hah hah hah hah hah! It's about how the web cartoonists think they're celebrities because they have a lot of people reading their websites.
There's a moment I really love, back when the West Wing was good. President Bartlett is meeting Governor Ritchie, who's the presumptive Republican Nominee running against Bartlett for reelection. Bartlett is in a bad mood because one of his Secret Service detail has just been shot and killed by a petty criminal. They spar for a bit, after Ritchie's oh-so-insightful and sensitive "Crime, jeez. I dunno" when he hears about the murder. And Ritchie makes it clear that he hates Bartlett in a litany of Right Wing catchphrases. "You're what my friends call a superior sumbitch. You're an academic elitist and a snob. You're Hollywood, you're weak, you're liberal, and you can't be trusted."
It was a moment of sheer, unmitigated hubris. Now, no one watching -- I mean, no one watching -- thought Ritchie was going to beat Bartlett's reelection bid. I mean, that's the ball game for the series, and at the time it was a monster hit. But at that moment, the viewing public had a switch click over in their brains. They wanted to see Bartlett come back and wipe the superior smirk off Ritchie's unengaged face. Here he was, inarticulate and insensitive, and he has the gall to call Our Guy weak and elitist and untrustworthy?
And on his way out, Bartlett looks back and says "In the future, if you're wondering, 'Crime, boy, I don't know,' is when I decided to kick your ass." Ritchie looked amused.
And Bartlett proceeded to kick his ass in the election. And we loved it.
As funny as the strip is on its own merits, it's mean spirited and it's ugly and it highlights a sense of close-mindedness. And make no mistake, Wiley Miller is talking about Scott Kurtz, here. He's been very vocal about Kurtz's plan for newspaper inclusion and extremely dismissive about the ability for webcartoonists to make a living or build a following based largely on their online readership.
And it made me stop and think, oddly enough, about Coca Cola and Pepsi.
As long as Pepsi Cola's been taking a shot at the marketplace, they've held "Pepsi Challenges." You know the theory: two cups of soda. The person drinks them both and says which one he likes more. "Gosh," he says. "I preferred the Pepsi!" Cue logo.
You never saw Coca Cola hold those taste tests, or talk it up, or even mention Pepsi. They talk about "The Real Thing," and teaching the world to sing, and polar bears that drink soda. But they don't talk about their competition. They don't have to. They're at the top of the heap. It's the same with McDonald's. Burger King talks a lot about how flame cooked burgers are better than fried, and any number of other invidious comparisons to the golden arches. McDonald's? McDonald's has "I love this place." Burger King isn't in their world.
Of course, Coke did react once to Pepsi. They created "New Coke" to stave off the Pepsi Invasion. Who do you think came out better from that move?
Wiley's at the top of the Syndication ladder. Oh, he's not Lynn Johnston or Cathy Guisewite or Jim Davis or Scott Adams... or Garry Trudeau, Bill Amend, Johnny Hart, Aaron McGruder, Pat Brady... or....
Okay, Wiley's a solid second tier syndication performer. He's certainly doing just fine. He has several collections in print, and that's a sign of success any way you look at it. And if he's not a household name, he's certainly well read on the newspaper page. He's on my daily trawl (the My Comics Page section), so clearly I like his comical drawings and witticisms, and I'm hardly alone.
The point is, Wiley's not a struggling syndicate cartoonist. He's not going anywhere. He's Mainstream.
And when you're in his position, you don't take shots at the people trying to fight their way up. You don't call attention to them at all. You're ahead. You don't need to legitimize your opponents by actually referring to them. When asked about them, you look confused and say "who?"
Wiley blinked today. And if you think Scott Kurtz showed some hubris by announcing his plan... that's nothing compared to the hubris of dismissing the web wholesale publicly. One thing that's incontrovertible is that newspaper circulations (and the newspaper comics page) are on the decline, while the web is still growing, dot com bust or not. If Scott Kurtz gets some traction... if he gets into dozens or hundreds or thousands of newspapers over the next few years... and if his business model continues to feed Kurtz's family and grows... then this strip will be considered a watershed moment. This is when the buggy driver shouted "get a horse!" at the automobilist. And when history of illustration texts are written, this strip will end up reproduced as the point where the newspaper cartoonists began to react to their inevitable decline.
I don't know if Kurtz will succeed or not. I really don't. But someone will succeed. The one thing we can be certain of is things are changing tremendously, and that change can't be stopped.
All I know is this. Up until now, this has been an academic affair for me. Now, it's not. I want to see that smirk wiped off their faces.
In the future, when we all look back to now... this will be the time when the "webbies" decided to kick the syndicates' ass.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 1:46 AM | Comments (64)
-->December 14, 2004
Eric Burns-White: If this is true, that Snark Auction was desperately overpriced.
According to Froogle, Websnark.com is on sale for $147.50.
I should mention they are in error. I'm always high priced, baby.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 3:04 PM | Comments (5)
-->Eric Burns-White: You know, that dog is aggressively cute.
(From Freefall. Click on the thumbnail... well, to go to the main site page because for whatever reason they don't create an archive page for the current entry, just for past entries, and I hate pointing people to 404 errors, but with luck I'll remember to backlink this to the actual archive entry at some point. And if not... um... go Giants!)
I haven't mentioned Freefall lately, and that's sad, because Freefall remains rock solid and consistent. It first crossed my radar because it was funny. It stomped all over my radar because it was funny and hard SF. Neither of those have changed.
In a way, that's what we've got with today's strip. Oh sure, there are no rockets, but there's solid computer science and sociology and artificial intelligence theory bundled in behind the scenes in this strip and the strips preceding it. Winston was delayed in heading out to his date with Florence when his dust mop with legs dog Beekay ran out into the mud. He wanted to call her and let her know he'd be late, but he forgot her last name. (I've had that problem myself. But then, I'm a jerk.) He asked for the database to find a Bowman's Wolf named Florence, but ran into "non-discrimination code." And that set up today's joke.
And the thing is, I can totally see an artificial intelligence doing this -- mostly because I can see a human operator doing this. The rules for things like privacy are meant to protect us, not hinder us, and an AI for a communications system would be designed to be helpful. So, while it can't come out and say "okay, here's Florence, the Bowman's Wolf," it can helpfully suggest searches that will give Winston what he wants without breaking the rules. Only Winston's annoyed because he can't do the direct search he wants.
I know, I'm overexplaining the joke. My point is, I can see this exact situation taking place, in this exact way. It makes sense to me. And it's also funny.
And that is why I like Freefall so much. It's not just that it's got good jokes. It's that it's got good jokes that have a solid foundation underneath.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 10:07 AM | Comments (12)
-->December 13, 2004
Eric Burns-White: Oh, a challenge....
(From Narbonic. Click on the thumbnail for full sized taking over of the world if you've paid the subscription fee, or click on the link for today's comic if you haven't.)
So, Shaenon Garrity was one of the bidders bidding on the Websnark Auction. And she was unhappy because it was an early morning end time and she got outbid while demon sleep took her. And she mentioned that, because she is evil, she would have let me snark on any subject, so long as it was in the form of a sestina.
Which, for those of you who don't know, is a six six-line stanza poem without metrical constraint but which requires that the lines of each stanza end with the same set of words in a very particular order, ending with a triplet that has to contain all six words again. Wikipedia's definition of the form is here, for those who want a clearer definition and to learn more.
Requiring me to do that would be evil. I'm glad I don't have to do it. I mean, I don't have to. She didn't win the auction. I don't. Have. To write a snark in the form of a sestina. Period. I sure as Hell don't have to make it even harder by conforming more or less to iambic pentameter in the stanzas before the triplet (with a few amphibrachs here and there and at least one dactyl thrown in), using the key words science, woman, gerbil, Dave, cute and mad.
I mean, that would be crazy.
If I even tried to do that....
...why, they'd call me mad. Mad! Mad I say!
On the Snarking of Today's Narbonic
We come once more to Helen Narbon's science
Backfiring 'pon both her and loyal Dave,
When Artie, thought to be a sane gerbil
Of intellect and wisdom -- not overtly mad --
Declares that he and his are not so cute
By embarking on usurping man and woman.
Now Helen is a most compassionate woman
(Though dedicated first to twisted science!)
And though she might find little Artie cute
She always thought the same about old Dave
(And when he died she didn't seem that mad)
Which makes me think Artie is one dead gerbil.
Still, Ms. Narbon does appreciate her gerbil
And Artie knows the way to survive the woman
Who created him (by means that some call mad!)
Is her appreciating triumphant science
In this mad course -- unlike (perhaps) Dave
Who won't find gerbil masters all that cute
I find this situation very cute
because I've always liked the smart gerbil
(who counterpoints quite well with cynic Dave
Violent Mell and the somewhat flighty woman
who crafted him upon the lathe of science)
and speaks with quiet voice that's not so mad.
And can we call young Artie's plan so mad
Simply because the gerbil is so cute?
We know that Artie understands (mad) science
And wouldn't you prefer an honest gerbil
leading you, instead of, say, a woman
like President Mell, who we know once met Dave?
But this is not a plot about some time-lost Dave
striving to return home and not go mad.
No, Dave is distracted with his new woman
Who he so wants to meet and hopes is cute
So I don't think he'll care about the gerbil--
never dreaming that Lovelace is also mad science.
So, given the crises of personality implicit in Helen's panel,
Dave's new cybernetic woman, and Artie the gerbil's mad plan,
We can be sure that in Narbonic, science will remain both funny, and cute.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 3:56 PM | Comments (10)
-->Eric Burns-White: We have a WINNAH!
Wow.
After five days of auctioning, we have a winner in our first ever custom snark Websnark Charity Auction. That winner is Jac Olwyn of the United Kingdom, who bid an astounding $255.00 to beat out Shaenon Garrity of the USA's West Coast in an auctioneering duel to the death.
Olwyn's already made the Paypal transfer, and I'm turning that transfer around and sending it to Child's Play. So, all Olwyn needs to do is e-mail what custom Snark topic I'm going to be producing, and I'll set myself to whatever research needs to be done to do that topic justice. It should be sent to the Websnark address over at gmail.com, or alternately to the same address used by Paypal to complete the transaction.
Thank you... and thank you everyone. This is going to help out Child's Play a lot... and is an incredibly good feeling to boot. You all deserve to feel a bit of this pleasure... and if you want to feel more, hit Child's Play and donate some cash. It's fun and fulfilling, and who wouldn't want something fun and fulfilling in their life?
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 8:22 AM | Comments (4)
-->December 12, 2004
Eric Burns-White: I'm not just saying this because I'm a proud Mac user either. Well, not completely, anyhow.
From PvPEvery so often, I'm struck with the levels of characterization that Scott Kurtz brings to PvP. You've heard me on these thing before, both in terms of Jade Fontaine vs. Miranda Fontaine as characters and the infamous Max Powers snark. There's usually more than meets the eye going on in PvP, and that's pretty damn cool.
Well, there's something that's been bubbling under the surface in my mind, when I read PvP. Specifically, in what I think's going on with the character of Brent Sienna. Something I couldn't really name or quantify. But the Unsinkable Wednesday White figured a good chunk of it out, and in a post to Snarkoleptics she explained her own frustration. And that post absolutely crystallized my thoughts. I reproduce it here (with her permission):
I'm totally feeling for Brent in PvP at the moment. It's not even been a week since he got dragged out to Blade: Trinity, and already someone else is ragging on him for being critical.For god's sake, maybe he doesn't like popcorn movies. Maybe the only way he can stand to watch stuff like CSI is to make running commentary (and what's snide about making what sounds like a reasonable point? I'm not familiar with the show, but if that's what they do, then... what's the problem? Sheesh).
I realize the other staff must find Brent's preferences somewhat grating, and I know he can be a bit of a git, but do they honestly believe he'll change his tastes and reactions on a dime to make them happy? Does Cole seriously think Brent can make himself enjoy something because he's told to? (My partner points out, incidentally, that, since Cole is evil, of course he'd do that.)
God, it ticks me off when people do that. I don't see Jade or Cole or anyone else bothering to see "some art-house film" with him. I'd have paid money for Brent to turn round and say, "just for once, could you stop worrying about my attitude and let me enjoy what I want to enjoy?"
I read that, and it hit me. "Holy crap... she's right. Brent's friends are being total bastards to him, pretty much all of the time."
Now, don't get me wrong. Brent is a pretentious git. He really is. And he can be as selfish and self serving as everyone else at Player vs. Player Magazine. (PvP -- where we're all a pack of self-interested jerks. Well, except for Skull. He's a nice guy.) And that's fine -- that's a big part of the Funny in PvP, and Scott Kurtz is absolutely great at Bringing the Funny.
But as self-absorbed as Brent is... there's a lot of ways that his friends are vastly worse to him than he is to them.
Take Cole. Cole absolutely delights in trying to make Brent do things Brent doesn't like to do, because Cole likes to do them and is in charge. He makes Brent (and the rest of PvP) have a Thanksgiving Dinner in the office (finally luring them into it by promising violence and danger). He gives Skull's Thanksgiving With Brent the force of Office Law each year, even though Brent actively doesn't want to have to take Skull every year. He forces Brent to try and get in the Christmas Spirit, when Brent doesn't believe in it and doesn't like it -- and clearly he's enjoying Brent's pain in the process more than he really wants Brent's heart to melt.
Heck, when Brent finally finds a game both he and Jade like to play, Cole jumps in with teasing him as mercilessly as Francis does. Now Francis is a kid. You expect that from him. But you'd expect better from Cole, wouldn't you? Brent doesn't, of course -- all that turned out was Brent was right in not wanting to tell his friends about the virtual date.
By the way, take down notes on that whole Christmas Spirit thing, will you? We'll be coming back to it.
Jade, on the other hand, has demanded vastly more from this relationship than she's given. This goes back to the year long epic storyline of Jade and Brent having broken up. What was Jade's primary complaint about Brent? She was annoyed at him because he wanted too much of her time. What was Brent's complaint? Jade was spending all of her time playing Everquest and gaming on their vacation to Vegas, then getting unreasonably jealous when Brent was kissed on the cheek by another Everquest widow. This is absolutely crucial to understanding the entire breakup of Jade and Brent -- Jade was entirely at fault. Brent might have been sarcastic and annoyed, but for Christ's sake, his girlfriend had chosen chatting with her guild over spending time with Brent on vacation. Frankly, he should have let her stay dumped.
But not only didn't he... and not only didn't he ever get an apology from Jade for what she did... and not only didn't he ever demand that she not see others (including Max Powers, when he took her out dancing)... but he started playing Everquest himself -- a game he hated, on a computer he hated -- entirely so he could build up to a hopelessly romantic moment with her in Vegas. That's right. He sacrificed to put them back together. Jade didn't. And though I believe she does love him -- and was about to walk away from her online boyfriend when she realized she did love Brent (though of course, it was Brent) -- she didn't have to truly sacrifice or apologize to get him back.
This carries through in the recent "online date" strip, by the way. Brent's avatar gives Jade a flower, because he loves her and because... well, I think that's the appeal of these things for Brent, when he does play them. He's a romantic. (Heck, even when he burnt her apartment to the ground, it was entirely to do something romantic and nice for Jade. When Jade did the exact same thing -- a romantic homecooked dinner -- it was to break the news to him that she'd installed Everquest 2 and he'd better get used to not seeing very much of her. How sweet.) Jade accepted the flower... and immediately started crafting it. Because that's what you do with flowers in online RPGs. It's a good thing she's willing to dress up as a bikini elf, because there has to be something keeping Brent coming back.
Brent's relationship with Skull is the cornerstone of Brent's own assholishness. He treats Skull terribly, and no one can claim otherwise. Hell, after he got foisted with Skull for yet another Thanksgiving (and for Christ's sake, why didn't Jade volunteer if she didn't mind Skull coming over for dinner, rather than forcing Brent to be something he doesn't want to be), he kenneled Skull. But when push comes to shove, Brent's the best friend Skull has. Look at last year's "let's give Brent the holiday spirit" campaign by Cole. Francis took in a free cat to try and inspire Brent, then was ready to dump the cat when it didn't work. (Jade just tried to get Brent horny to get the cash prize Cole was giving out, and Cole flat out admitted he just liked making Brent uncomfortable -- merry Christmas to you too, jerk.) But when Cole refused to pony up the money for the cat brought in because of Francis trying to win his stupid prize, and Skull's heart was breaking... who gave up the prize money so Skull could keep Scratch Fury?
That's right, Brent. That hug he gave Skull in the elevator, years back, really speaks volumes.
So I'm with Wednesday. If Brent doesn't want to get in the holiday spirit... leave him alone. He's not asking you to give him presents and then refusing to give them to you, is he? And before you sniff at Brent for not liking cheap popcorn movies (I've seen Blade: Trinity, and while I had a good enough time I could see Brent absolutely hating it) even though he's always happy to go along to blockbusters with you, why not go to a few god damn art films with him? And Jade? If you don't want him snarking (okay, I couldn't resist) during CSI, don't watch it with him, okay?
Of course, they won't stop trying to change Brent, and won't stop poking him with various sticks to make him react. And of course, we don't want them to stop trying to change Brent -- because... well, because this is funny, and conflict in a comic strip is a good thing.
But I appreciate that the joke is actually on two levels -- the surface joke of poking the pretentious git with a stick... and the deeper joke that Brent Sienna is generally a better person than the rest of these bastards.
Scott Kurtz does this stuff well.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 9:35 PM | Comments (19)
-->Eric Burns-White: Sixteen Hours left in the Websnark Auction for Child's Play
The eBay auction ends in sixteen hours, at 8 am Eastern Standard Time tomorrow morning. Now, it's been a phenomenal success (we're at $172.50 as of this writing!) but, since it's for such a good charity (remember -- Child's Play for more information), if you've got money to spare and any inclination to spend it on kids, feel free to do so by bidding. Or, just hit Child's Play itself and donate money there.
In the end, we're going to do some good things for Children's hospitals. And that's a good thing, any way you look at it.
Thanks, everyone!
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 3:57 PM | Comments (0)
-->Eric Burns-White: Rememberances and Evolution, or Eric goes all Emo on you.
(From Queen of Wands. Click on the thumbnail for full sized bittersweet lullabies!)
When I was twenty years old, I moved from the Greater Metropolitan Boston Area (technically Brighton, though where Brighton, Brookline, Boston and Newton began and ended, I couldn't tell you on a bet, and neither could anyone else I knew) to Ithaca, New York. I did so because I felt like Boston wasn't leading me anywhere, and because I was in love.
Ithaca stands out in my memory as the happiest time in my adult life. Oh, I was dirt poor, working as a temp, rarely breaking ten thousand a year in salary and always living on the far edge. Circumstances weren't ideal between my girlfriend and I (a subject for another story sometime, though it wasn't that she wasn't cool -- she was. And I was... well, me. So if you think I'm cool I guess I was then too), but I was happy, mostly. I roomed with my best friend, Frank, who remains my best friend today. I love the feel of Ithaca, which by virtue of its two full sized four year colleges (Ithaca College and the majestic Cornell University) had almost all the cultural amenities you'd find in a much larger city, while maintaining a certain townish appeal. There was live jazz often played. There was theater. There were mass market movies and two art movie places. There were stores of all kinds, and bars of all kinds, and good pizza made by Greeks, and Blues bands, and the coolest two bars I've ever had the privilege to vomit near -- the Chapterhouse Brewpub, which at the time brewed its own beers and served them in pints, half yards and yards, and the Rongovian Embassy to the United States, which had a bigger beer selection than I've ever seen and the best live music. My official twenty-first birthday party -- which took place some weeks after my actual birthday, and which a number of my Boston friends came up for as well -- was at the Rongo. I still owe about two pitchers' worth of beer in drinks for a Quarters game I disastrously, gloriously lost.
Most of all, I loved Ithaca. And I loved it because I loved my friends -- the ones who lived there and the ones who lived in nearby(ish) Syracuse. Karen, Frank, John, John, Kevin, Becki, Rebecca (two different people), Nin, Christie, Suzanne... all the folks up at the Sterling Renaissance Festival, all the folks at Collegetown Bagels and Ragmann's and the late, lamented Other Side, all the folks at Borealis Books (which has fallen on hard times, I'm sad to say)....
It was wonderful. And it couldn't last. It was a bubble in my life -- my early twenties, when I felt romantic and exciting and immortal, when there were little rules and less money.
Things began to change, of course. Frank and Becki got married and moved on. I went away for a year to finish up my degree and try to shake the logyness out of my life. I got involved with a different girl who didn't end up being that good for me... and ultimately I knew I was spinning my wheels. The world I loved was in the past, and I had to do something to move into the future.
So, I headed West, to Seattle. Which was a fantastic move for me in so many ways....
But there were some months between my decision to go and my actual leaving. And there was the realization that what I most loved about Ithaca were the friends there who I loved... and they would continue to grow and evolve without me. And that they would be all right even when I was gone.
This Queen of Wands is beautifully done. All the things I praise Aeire for are here -- the creative use of text, the lightning path, the fact that she still draws dynamic motion in each panel... and the song lyrics floating along the path unifies and makes it all more immediate. This is a beautiful strip.
And Kestrel's tears in the last panel strike me hard, because this is the very definition of bittersweet -- the recognition that Shannon and Felix and their baby are going to be all right... that the family Kestrel adopted and the life she loved has evolved and disappeared even if she were going to stay... that she's making the right decision for herself by leaving, and that the world will not end when she's gone. They're going to be all right. It's okay. Kestrel really can go.
That moment really resonates for me. It's been eleven years since the day I experienced that same moment. I sometimes go back and visit Ithaca, and those friends who're still there... and it's truly wonderful to see them. I should move back here, I think to myself. But I'm not likely to -- because I can't move back to my early twenties, and I can't move back to Frank being single and he and I living on Raman and having a blast... or to my ex girlfriend, or to our broken down basement apartment. I'd probably love living in Ithaca again... love spending time with the new friends I have there, and the friends I'd make... and if I won the lottery I'd probably move there.
But it wouldn't be my Ithaca. That's gone, the same as "my" High School stopped existing in 1986 when I graduated, and "my" Boston disappeared when my friends graduated or left Boston University, and "my" college disappeared after I graduated that, and "my" Seattle went away when I moved back east, and so did Dominic, who broke up with Annie....
The places we love are places in our past, shaped by events and people. And when we leave them, they change, and they evolve, and the people move on. And they're generally all right. All the people I love are all right, even though I left.
And that makes me happy and sad, all at once. And Aeire captured that perfectly, and I felt like I should mention that.
Man, now I need to go do something cheerful.
Posted by Eric Burns-White at 11:56 AM | Comments (5)
