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Eric: Checking in on the batshit crazy world Annie lives in...


(From Annie! Click on the thumbnail for full sized hobo lifestyle!)
When last we left little Annie Warbucks, it was believed by Daddy Warbucks and her faithful traveling companion Amelia Santiago that Annie died when her jet crashed into a lake. However, the brain damaged, amnesiac, fevered child was stolen away by a lunatic who thinks he's a two-fisted vigilante named the Phantom Commando. Hiding Annie from all search parties, the Phantom Commando systemically brainwashed and abused Annie until she too believed she was the plucky sidekick he had always known would come to his Commando's Cave, and the Junior Commando was born. ("DEATH TO SPIES! DEATH TO SPIES!")

Well, after the Phantom Commando shot several people dead (including at least one who apparently was a spy), the police discovered the existence of the Junior Commando when they found the too-small pair of boots the Phantom Commando was making his sidekick wear. After staking out a comic book shop, they gave chase to the motorcycle driving Commando. During the chase, the motorcycle's sidecar came loose and Annie plunged off a cliff and slammed into a tree. As with all extraordinarily deadly looking skull traumas involving amnesia victims, Annie's memory was restored (though she apparently doesn't remember the Phantom Commando). She was then placed in a hospital awaiting her treatment.

However... for no reason at all, Annie immediately took a hating to all the police and the social worker who came to talk to her, giving them a false name and sneaking out as soon as possible, thus leading to a county-wide manhunt for the child. She stole clothes from a line and tried to call Daddy Warbucks, but all the payphones she found were broken. So now she's hopping a freight train to get her out of the county....

Does anyone have any idea how fucked up this is? I mean... I keep waiting for her to take up smoking and mescaline and eventually writing for Rolling Stone.

Posted by Eric Burns-White at October 1, 2004 3:13 PM

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